The hot season of the year’s interruption of continuity or uniformity – otherwise known as Summer Break

As a kid, my heaven was summer break.

No school.

Lazy days hanging out and playing with family and friends.

Reading when I wanted to, not when I had to.

Extra treats to help beat the heat.

Camping trips and unexpected fun.

I suppose I was looking forward to that as a parent – providing heaven for my kids.  (how did my mom do it?)  As an adoptive mom of kids who grew up in the foster care system, I quickly learned this was no heaven for me.  And I am not sure it is for my kids either.

Research tells us how important routine is to our sense of safety, to our development and growth.  Routines give us a sense of security and help develop self-discipline.  Routines also connect us to each other and help us know who we are and how we fit in our world.  They help us identify expectations and develop skills to handle stress.

So, with our uniformity of the year getting interrupted, I spend hours upon hours pre, mid and post “season” planning, organizing, structuring, and strategizing the “perfect” plan to keep our kids busy, the transition from school to summer smooth, and my kids loved on.  In addition, my husband and I do all that we can to create some special family bonding types of experiences during this season – camping trips, river floats, adventures to new parks and hiking, vacation in a nice hotel or resort, visiting extended family, etc.

The reality is, no matter how structured I make summer, this “break” away from the demands of the school routine allow our kids’ brains and bodies to settle into their memories and past in such a way that makes this time period like walking in a minefield.

In fact, every break from school is like this, summer is just SO much longer.

This is a place I find the challenge of walking the content life.  Does content mean satisfied with the status quo?  If I work toward or even hope for change or improvement- all those hours of planning – does that mean I am not content?  (We’ll talk more about this in future posts.)  As adoptive parents of children who not only grew up in the foster care system, but also experienced “interrupted adoptions” (not once, but twice), is this minefield walking the way it will always be?

And how does a parent keep strong when every attempt to do something fun, adventurous, bonding or creative ends up in trauma fits?  How do we survive, let alone enjoy, this summer time period when day camp is not an option – low social skills and behavioral challenges usually mean getting called to pick up the kids or asked to not return, not to mention the cost factor on a family budget.  Oh, and the underlying message of, “we don’t know what to do with you”, that camp seems to have for our eldest – but at least she was able to identify that and share that thought process with us, so small step forward!

And there it is I suppose – the tiniest of tiny, the smallest of small – steps forward. Oh, we go backwards for sure – often by leaps and bounds.  But those moments, those glimpses of healing, of new pathways, of openness to receive love – wow, they take your breath away.  And yes, I am content!

How do you keep content during this season’s interruption to continuity?

(stay posted for our methods to summer routines)